insomnia.
i go a little crazy when i don't sleep
i suffer from chronic pain and the pain is worse when i don't sleep
but that gets me really thinking
which challenges the part of my mind that was damaged from my suicide attempt 7 years ago
carbon monoxide poisoning that caused severe brain injury
anyways,
when i don't sleep i end up thinking a lot and tugging on fusion between the central hemispheres of my brain because i am creating synapses, thoughts, brain cell expansion on the right side of my brain
so i can hear musical notes again and i want to paint and dance and make music
i've never had a best friend
or perhaps i've never felt i had a best friend
Does anyone else have trouble with lasting fulfilling friends?
Do you think it has anything to do with being queer?
this thing saves automatically?! that's fucking great
i like to collaborate on ideas
and hugs
4 comments:
Well, I'm glad you like hugs, cause I'm gonna send you some since I'm sorry you're having a rough night. *hugs*
I have trouble with the same--insomnia and friendships, though mostly making new friends rather than forming lasting friendships. Hard to say if that's due to poor social skills or queerness. *g* But I do think that if you're closeted, it's hard to have friends because you're always hiding something, and if you're out it's hard to have friends because you have to gauge whether your friends will be accepting of you. And it's hard to get out of the habit of feeling "different", and therefore distant, even if you do have friends who can accept you. Not to mention, if your friends are straight, their lives might be really different than yours, and that always creates a gap--my best friend got married last year, and since then I've seen her maybe five times, and even when we hang out, it's totally different than it used to be.
I think probably most people have trouble forming lasting, fulfilling relationships with people, especially once they're older and past the point where sharing toys on the playground means automatically becoming BFFs. Maybe it's a becoming-a-grown-up thing, rather than a queer thing.
Perhaps.
I think it may also be a self esteem, self discovery thing.
I'm working really hard to be a better friend to myself.
And after clearing my head a little, i realize i have true friends.
Just have to get out of my way sometimes
You're MY true friend megan!!!
but i think i told u that in the two hours we spent talking yesterday.....
-kris.
I feel the love!
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